Not Letting It Go

A couple of months ago, in a conversation with a friend, I related the story of a recent conflict with someone close to me, and I concluded with the statement, “He stole my soul and I want it back.” The friend immediately shook her head and emphatically stated something like, “No, he didn’t! If he has your soul, it’s because you gave it to him.” I may have narrowed my eyes a bit before replying, “No. You’re wrong. He did steal it.” The conversation ended moments later because we each got pulled away, but I gave her words plenty of thought in the coming days. They irritated me and I needed to figure out why. When I finally allowed myself to see the truth, I had to admit that she was right, as I had known the second the words were out of her mouth. At first, though, I tried not to believe them. After all, who wants to be the bad guy in her own story? But the thing is that people treat us the way we allow them to treat us, and at some level, throughout my life, because of the beliefs instilled in me in childhood, I did not believe that I was worthy to be loved for who I am. I did not even believe that I deserved to be loved. So, over and over, I betrayed myself by trying to be who I thought someone else wanted me to be. This, of course, never truly worked. It simply meant that I “agreed” to be treated as someone who is less than. Thankfully, things have changed: I took my Soul back, and I hold onto to it with both hands now.