I’ve Got News for You: Anger is Not a Sin
Why do I even have to write that? Because most people I know believe that it is (whether they realize it or not), and this belief—not anger, itself—has caused a great deal of pain.
About a week ago, I decided to unearth one of the Bibles tucked away here or there and begin highlighting the words of Jesus, because I have a feeling that His words will add up to something quite different from the entire Bible* (which, let us not forget, gets the majority of its bulk from a holy book of Judaism) and from the way in which the words of Jesus are interpreted by institutional churches and their representatives.
I’ve not gotten far: barely into The Gospel of Matthew,** and I’m not necessarily reading as I go. My goal is to get the highlighting done and then read. Today, though, I took in the next paragraph from the Sermon on the Mount and discovered something very interesting. It (chapter 5, verses 21–26) begins like this: “‘You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, “You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.”‘” One more quick observation: those ancestors did a whole heck of a lot of killing, supposedly with God’s blessing. I find that a contradiction. Be that as it may, let us continue. Jesus goes on: “‘But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment.'” I want to stop here, because so many Christians seem to, but they shouldn’t, as being selective in quoting can be dangerous.
Why would Jesus/God, who created human beings with a full cadre of emotions, claim that one of them is bad or off limits? Aren’t Christians supposed to believe that God creates nothing but good? That’s certainly what I believe. Therefore, it seems to me, that no emotion created by God (and they all are) is bad. In fact, they are morally neutral. They are a part of our biology. They get created without our conscious approval or disapproval. Whenever we experience anything, our unconscious/body takes it in, and emotions are generated in response. If anything, emotions are messengers telling us that either everything is okay or that something is not right, and we are supposed to pay attention to them. For instance, if someone gives you the willies when you meet him, paying attention to that emotion might save your life.
Thankfully, Jesus didn’t stop at “whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment,” and we won’t either. Here’s the rest of the paragraph:
” . . . and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him. Otherwise your opponent will hand you over to the judge, and the judge will hand you over to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Amen, I say to you, you will not be released until you have paid the last penny.”
Christians and mental health professionals like to talk about forgiveness. They spout platitudes like: “You have to forgive.” “If you don’t forgive, you’re only hurting yourself.” “They didn’t mean to hurt you. Let it go.” What these people don’t do is tell you how to forgive. They all seem to think that it’s simply a matter of saying, “I forgive,” but that’s not even close to the truth. We cannot forgive UNTIL we have processed the feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, rejection, confusion, whatever it is that our bodies produced in response to whatever it is that “our brother” has done to us. I’d go so far as to say that’s exactly what Jesus meant by paying the last penny. Now, sometimes, when the person who hurt us is no longer in our lives, we have to do this processing by ourselves. If, however, a relationship is to be salvaged (as Jesus tells us it should be), then the processing needs to include an honest conversation among the people involved. And yes, it will hurt. It will be difficult. It will probably involve yelling, crying, screaming, anxiety, worry, and lots of other emotions from the “something is not right” end of the scale, but you don’t get to eat the cake if no one has bothered to bake it. In other words, you have to pay the last penny if you want to be released from those stored up, “something is not right” emotions that sabotage your happiness and peace of mind.
Like Jesus, Thich Nhat Hanh understands how it all works. In Peace is Every Step, he writes:
There is a term in Buddhist psychology that can be translated as “internal formations,” “fetters,” or “knots.” When we have a sensory input, depending on how we receive it, a knot may be tied in us. When someone speaks unkindly to us, if we understand the reason and do not take his or her words to heart, we will not feel irritated at all, and no knot will be tied. But if we do not understand why we were spoken to that way and we become irritable, a knot will be tied in us. The absence of clear understanding is the basis for every knot.
If we practice full awareness, we will be able to recognize internal formations as soon as they are formed, and we will find ways to transform them. For example, a wife may hear her husband boasting at a party, and inside herself she feels the formation of a lack of respect. If she discusses this with her husband, they may come to a clear understanding, and the knot in her will be untied easily. Internal formations need our full attention as soon as they manifest, while they are still weak, so that the work of transformation is easy.
In other words: if someone has hurt you in some way, you need to talk about it with that person, rather that pushing it down and letting it fester until things have gotten so bad one of you is taking the other to court.
*For the record: I have read the entire Bible (the Catholic one, with all the books) more than once.
**Oh, and here’s an interesting tidbit: we get nothing from Jesus until chapter 3, verse 15.
