Still Going

This is where the road gets lonely.

I thought that it looked pretty desolate back at the beginning of April, 2020, when I was sending friends and family videos of ambulances sitting idle and hospital parking lots that were just as empty as my metaphorical road (before these videos all got taken down from that monopoly known as Youtube). Responses to these emails of mine were few and far between.

I know. As my husband has told me more than once, “Cheryl, you overwhelm people.”

Now, though, I’ve reached a stretch of asphalt nearly covered with blowing sand and tumbleweeds. I keep hoping Bugs Bunny will pop out of a hole and ask for directions to Albuquerque. If my mother were alive, she’d say something like, “Misery loves company, Cheryl, but nobody wants to visit you.” Well, no, she wouldn’t say that to me; she’d say it to my sister about me, and then my sister would laugh and nod in agreement, adding a complaint or two of her own.

The funny thing is that I’m not miserable, not even close. This adventure of discovering who I am certainly has its challenging moments (hours, sometimes days), but it’s good. Sure, filling your life with responsibilities, religion, routines, rules, and recreation will keep that dissatisfaction and deep searching at bay, but does it ever leave anyone fulfilled? Yes, it all deadens the pain and distracts from the questions we are told we can’t ask, but I don’t want that kind of life. I tried it, and it never really worked for me. If it had, I’d still be traveling that busy highway, but you simply won’t find me there.

The old, two-lane road ahead calls and I’m ready to go. Feel free to have a look at it yourself and come with me if the spirit moves. In fact, I’ll grab a broom and clear the sand for you.